nightmare plague what little sleep i have been able to achieve. dark thoughts rob my ability to escape into the fantasy world. i feel myself slipping deeper into this depression i have been fighting for weeks. im so tired. physically weakened into a meat puppet. the simple task reduce my to toddle strength. my nails are breaking off by the layer, everything is swollen. but i can deal with the physical weakness but my mind has taken the heaviest blows.
ive lost my reason to live. my reason to chase the sun. im looking for the escape of my world. to crash and reboot it. ive done it once before but i swore i would never again. rebuilding is such hard work. finding and gluing back the pieces i loved the most is almost impossible. i was forced to do it the first time, my last stance to my life taken from me. i was an empty shell for so long. even the tears had no place to fall. im still searching. still looking for the one last ray of sunshine that will make everything clearer.
i was right where i wanted to be. living on the edge of my known world. looking over the plains of lush fields and wild woods. i was free leaning over the cliff. the sunshine beating on my face and the breeze was exotic. intoxicating. he stole that from me. stole everything i was working towards. doesn’t take much it seems to cast me back into a dark cave with no way out. so such a strong independent woman i am so fragile. but no one can see it.
i just dont know if i can handle being dropped again.