a new start

jelly bean is now here, after 9 long months he was born the on the 13th. its a new experience for all of us. ive found that the day of birth is no importance to the expecting parents. makes me fill guilty to want an august born off spring. to be given a blessing like this it should be so dead set of a sign of the born. its his second full day home. parents are exhausted but seem to be handling it well. baby daddy has voiced his doubts as a parent but i believe he is going to do great. he is very attentive and always there to help. baby momma is still trying to get the nursing down but baby plays a key role. he seems to only prefer one side. ive been told by my own mother that this is natural. grand baby momma is so here to lend a hand. shes in the same boat as me. kinda not wanting to do everything to let the proud parents figure it out. so we just float around. cleaning what should be cleaned, always hanging around to see if we could be of assistance. 

the love and protection i feel towards baby whitt is just mind blowing. i may not have carried him and push him out but i know if some b rolled up on him i would be in prison the same day. it sickens me the amount of damage strangers do to our young. i can only begin to wrap my world around the fact that i will be in their shoes one day. i can only pray my chosen baby daddy and mother will be around to share it with me. 

speaking of future baby daddy. i am lost over this boy. i now know i am just a fool for him. i can describe how well we click together. this last week alone has been leaps and bounds with him. he has shown up at work, made out with me in public( get a room right?), and just been attentive towards me. i find that he is like this when he isnt busy with trying to put his music in the world. i dont have the heart to tell him to give up and find another passion. truthfully i dont really want him to give up yet. who i am to say so? it would be hypocritical of me. do i want him to succeed? yes and no. yes because i know its what he desires the most and no because it would mean i would loose him forever. he would be just another guy i saw and now i just see him on tv. selfish of me? its my right. i really like this man, i wouldnt say its love for its not. but i wouldnt mind being in the same room with him for a long time. 

i miss home so dearly. i also have a grand love hate relationship with it. i feel like i need to be closer to my family and but then i really dont like the location of it. i also know it wouldnt be anything to change my location. after all home is where the heart is. and right now. my bleeding bruised heart is here. right where i am.  

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About moderndaigoddess

out on my own, these are my words about how crazy life can get
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