i sit here staring at you, waiting you. not in the way of the flesh but in the way of happiness. i miss you when you’re gone, i miss you when you are across the house. the love and security i feel when you’re around is unexplainable. too bad im with him, he who doesnt seem to care either way if i was there, too bad i am carrying his child. i waited too long for you but its you that always leaves to chase some tail that will only satisfy you for an hour or a night. i sit here wishing, a queen on her throne. my throne has room for you but you deny its glory. i guess searching for your own kingdom is what you want. if only, if only you could see how beautiful the kingdom i built it.
ive been three months sober from my pain pills addiction. i no longer long for that vicidon high. no longer need what it promised me. three months may not seem long but some that were itching for their next chance their next excuse to pop a pill it fills like a year or a life time.
this child i carry is a blessing. i worry that his father will reject him and bar me from his protective arms. but i want this child and i know it will be rough, a long hard road out of hell, i am willing to do it on my own. for my child and my happiness.