sweet taste of india

when i was in college. i met a girl. i was surprised that she was from the same area as me. i actually thought i was alone. i mean after all, i gradutated a pre college highschool. not top marks but i wasnt anywhere near the bottom of the smart scale. just hovering near the top, so close to the surface, but just not quite there. this girl was different. in a sea of black and white she was golden. her mother was bred and born in india. her father was either russian american or just plain american but with a fine jaw line. i never seen her father i just remember when they found each other on facebook. her half brother looked nothing like her but had a taste of the darker skin. i knew they were close. as close as estrange siblings could be. this girl she was just different. she sat in the front of the class making jokes with the teacher and i sat in the back listening to ricky martin through my head phones. later on we would meet up and work our way to the end of our homework. biology was not a strong suit of mine. turns out highschool biology is basically just a drama fest. plants fucking plants. insects fucking plants. mammals eating and fucking plants and the insects. drama.

this is the same girl that turned into my best friend. i was there when she went throught break ups. i made her laugh when she was sad. i brought her breakfest and woke her up in time for classes. she taught me how to hit the bong. steal from men. pout till you bust. she opened the spirital world for me. since we have gon our seperate ways i have yet to see the golden door that leads me to the spirits. just what the fuck. i hate to pin it on her but i believe there is something more to this girl. more then i care to know. you the know the people that got a really good hand of cards and no matter which one they run its always going to be a winner? this was she. she came from old money. old military money. she didnt have it easy when she defied her parents. but she never had it hard either. still she was my best friend.

when i left college. i chose to leave all of that behind. she didnt understand.. she tried to make it work. for so long. but after a funeral and one angry boy friend later. i decided to just simple walk away. i dont really care to be subject of a yelling stand off with a dick that wasnt my own. he was wrong. he knew it. i knew it and so did she. fuck that noise. lets just say josh didnt last long after all. he got deeper into drugs and she just moved on. one rich boyfriend after another. sob. sob. tear. tear. she finally met a guy and settled down. also from old money. i personally never met this guy but the way he is talked about he could never do any wrong. im still waiting for his vice. they had their ceramony not too long ago. i didnt go. didnt plan on it. oh whao is her who hadnt talked to her ‘best friend from college’ is so long and pretend to be so upset.

i am sure she truely wanted me there. im sure i was missed. im so sure the party just wasnt the same. dont care. maybe its mean and a little harsh. but just dont care. too many times i saved her when her parents kicked her out. too many times i went without so she could be happy and content. nothing was ever replaced. she kepts score of my faults. i never asked for repayment for hers. i loved her dearly once. but today is not the time.

 

im getting a little worried over bills. its going on two months since we both lost of jobs. mine hurt the most. my job was the most promising and stable. till they decided to close down the store without so much as a hint. his was because of his timper and this rightous sense that he is doing true. i feel bad for him sometimes. but he seriously just needs to learn to shut the fuck up. at no point in time were you a manager. where your decisions effected the whole company. just someone at the bottom of the food chain. like fuck.. just shut up! but this the boy i love. crazy or not he puts up with me in the most natural way. things just click for us.

i am worried. more then i ever hoped to be. i miss home and i miss my family. but i am here now for the better part of a year. hopefully this job pulls through and i can get back on my feet. when i can i will be leaving to return home. honestly i could care less if he came. he barely notices when i come and go. he is a hard core gamer. a really good one at that. but i would be lying if i didnt say it doesnt effect me. i hate the ps4 with a passion. not the face that is a gaming device. just for the fact. for the second time in the year ive known him. i have lost my boyfriend to the world of elder scrolls. lost completely the wave of the digital age.

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About moderndaigoddess

out on my own, these are my words about how crazy life can get
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