just dont forget about it.

”the dead receive more flowers because regret is stronger than gratitude.” its boggles my mind how true this statement struck. first response is that it is so true. people would rather pay for their regret than show the appreciation during life. the most famous reason is not enough time. or i will just do it tomorrow. she’ll understand. its life you know? but i keep finding myself quoting some dead president “why put off till tomorrow what you can do today” i know these are messages my spirit guide are sending me. why else would i be randomly pulling quotes from no where? there’s a point to be made when it comes from the guides. my second response is this girl got lucky. im sure it was some old saying that was common at that put in time. like something the adults were saying because they heard it from their elders. this girl just happen to become famous after her tragic life.

it astounds me the rate of crime back home. i am not saying that its not getting bad everywhere. but back home i hold an interest over. my family is there. of course i want to know whats going on. there is a break in or a robbery or in the best cases just one murder a day. i read of how there was been a string of restaurants and business break in/cash stealing along this one strip of road. what is crazier or bolder in some sense is that this road is usually always busy. its a major life line into the city. police have been setting up Rv’s with “Processing Center” on the sides outside of walmarts. like anyone is going to be foolish enough to try to steal while they are there. its just not smart. nor is it worth it. either come back later or try another walmart. no matter how hungry you are. you can wait. or try your luck else where. if you are caught red handed knowing full and well that they are right there. then i am sorry you deserve it.

more and more of these crimes are committed by the younger generations. but i know a handful of people my age or older that are well known for their crimes. but wake up. these are our children. just the other day. an old man was killed by two 18 year olds that he was giving shelter to. they tied him up. choked him. and then set him on fire. they took his money and his car and disappeared. no one has seen or heard from them since. you cant even be a good neighbor anymore. someone shot at cars driving along the free way. they/he/shes/them hit four cars before driving off. a 19 year old shot at a party cant even receive help because no one wants to deal with it.

it just gets me thinking. what is this world coming to. we can no longer afford to raise a family. children are used to get tax breaks and discounts are food eateries now. most of the time children are just another check. its easier to be a single parent then two parents working two or more full time jobs. or part time depending on how lucky you are. we are constantly always having to choice between doing the right thing or the thing that will make it easier. just some how. play the lottery. might get lucky and break even. steal from walmart. less food you have to pay for direct effects how much gas you are able to put in your gas tank. that is also pending process because of the electric bill. you knew it was a good pay day on rather or not you still have money by monday. sunday would be pretty descent. saturday would be the usual. friday night would be a god damn moment. friday midday would be what the bloody fuck just happened. friday morning. you are begging for mercy and really trying to talk yourself out of killing yourself. thursday at midnight. and your money gone? forget it. you better call up who ever you know and lose yourself in a world of depression. doubt. and guilt.

i hate that money rules as all. we are no long content with just being alive. and a human. we are born into this deadly game. we never had a chance. i dont envy the more blessed community. i envy that person that makes its their life to live by the day. they are out there doing what they love to do. some are travelers. some are helping others that have it way worse then most of us average poor citizen. some are just monks in the temple. i envy the happy people. they have anything to ask of you. now and days, everyone you meet has something to ask of you. can you spot me this drink? have a tampon i can use? hey man just keep an eye on this bike i just stole from walmart. any change to spare? donate?

it blows my mind. how ugly the world has gotten. maybe i just got older. no. i know its gotten uglier. home was never this bad. i remember playing with the neighborhood kids. i remember getting excited when i got new neighbors. just that chance that there was kids to play with. i remember it snowed pretty hard one year. by some unspoken force all the kids tracked their way across the empty streets to the open field. a massive snow war was taking place. there must have been 60 of us. from both of the neighborhoods that faced each other. that was the best snow day of my life. after all. we almost never got snow. it hasnt snowed like that since.

i wont lose hope for the future. just dont forget about it.

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About moderndaigoddess

out on my own, these are my words about how crazy life can get
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