freshly squeezed lemonade

i quite recently took a trip back home to my favorite state of north carolina. i was venturing home to switch out my cars and to see my mom. sadly boyfriend and i made the decision that oct should return back home. i told my mother that i was giving her my dog. meaning. i won’t take her away from you again. she’s already losing a few of the older members of our family. she once told me that oct was the only thing she has of me. so way not. i love my baby girl so much, and she will forever be my baby girl, but luckly for her her status as changed to ‘visiting grandma’.

my trip was a drag. usually  for the most part it is a very easy drive. difficulty level: 4. however it is quite a bit of a drive. my take off from my current listed address in georgia started off with no hitches. i didn’t have much gas but that was ok, boyfriend and i both got paid on friday, so i left towards the middle of the night. surely. oh surely. i would get to the gas station well after midnight, refill and continue on my way. so with oct in my passenger sit we hit the road. everything was going smoothly. around 1 am i pull off the highway near Atlanta. our first stop since leaving. check the bank. no money. ok. well maybe they run on central time. 2 am. nothing. 3 am. nothing. 4 am. wtf is going on. what did i do to deserve this??? 420 am. boom baby. on the road again. at least oct got to sleep.

i didn’t make it to my moms till close to noon. i don’t know why. but stopping for 5 to 10 minutes takes away so much of your travel time. like shit. a bitch just wants to stop and pee. why in the world does it put my 30 minutes behind every single time. like god bless!. before going to my moms i went to tacos. you know to clean out the clear and to wipe away any evidence.

my mind is gone. i want to tell you so bad of my story. you know make a great tale of it. but i have to work some shit out.

i brought my best friend back with me. she is currently at our local detox center. after of being sober for so long she relapsed. started using again. long before she started she had talked about coming here anyways to start new again. so i brought her back with me.

i am afraid. i don’t understand what is going on right now. i have never seen her like this. if she knows how ugly this is then why in the world would you take the fucking pills in the first place. cmon on now. you’re better then this.

she confessed that she’s afraid of what people think of her. i told her she was silly. aint no one puts food in your mouth. aint no one going to shit for you. aint no one def going to wipe your ass when they can barely wipe their own. cmon on now. be on that grown shit.

i hate how much i cuss. its not like i want to cuss. its more of my defense for me. i guess to scare people into noticing me. thats just not cute boo boo.

you know. i really don’t know what. i think this all boils down to is that i am trying to find something to do when there is nothing i can do at the moment. she put her self in this situation. all i can do is…what i usually do.


About moderndaigoddess

out on my own, these are my words about how crazy life can get
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