Pissing pot 

Boyfriend is completely useless. Spent the whole time on the phone while I cooked and even set the table. He wouldn’t move. He wouldn’t budge. What is the world is going on? He has never been like this. Before. We call our place back in North Carolina as before. Before he would do the dishes. He would help me clean up. Now it’s why is this there or where is this and that. He even plainly asked if I was down right stupid. That shit is not cool. Nothing I ever do deems he worthy of calling me stupid. 

I’m so frestrated. He won’t talk to me. Not like before. He just tells me to go away. To leave him alone. Granted I say those things as well from time to time. But now. Now I just don’t even want to be in the same roof as him. What am I to do? He is my closet and best friend. Why does he not clue me in on things then just waiting till right before it is to happen.  

How do I fix this? All I want to do is make him happy. To be proud. Now all I do is just set him off. Taking the hit after hit. All I do is for us. Us. That’s a rare word these days. It used to be speaking openly. Now it’s Latin. 

I honestly don’t know how to express my love anymore then I do. I try to keep a clean house. I try to keep the man full. I try to make sure is where it is suppose to be. But I am only Human. 

Human. That’s is my weakest quality. I have been so much more for so long that everyone forgets I am human. Just plain old human. Fuck even I forget. It’s my down fall. It’s the broken bridge between me and boyfriend. I guess I could call all of this broken. Needed to be repaired. It’s useless tho. I can place all the boards in place. Nail one set. Set to work on the other just to watch the end that was nailed down come right back up with each swing. It’s nearly impossible for one person to fix a broken bridge. 

I’m torn. Pulled. Ripping. At this point. I’m willing to go down the rabbit hole again. Just one more time. 

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About moderndaigoddess

out on my own, these are my words about how crazy life can get
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