Or no?

I recently asked boyfriend if he ever thought about his past relationships. He admitted that he catches him self thinking about random dates and moments with his exes. I don’t know for some reason I thought I was alone in this battle. I never stopped to wonder if my doubts matched his own. It never crossed my mind that while I’m doubting myself and wondering if I even can compete with his ex he is thinking if he is better then mine. 

I also recently found out that an ex of mine, the one I give due credit to the down fall of my hoe days, was really using me as a side dish. Yes. I was the side bitch. And really when I actually took a moment to truest reflect on it. It makes perfect sense. I was just fascinated with Batman. But damn. Just damn. I thought I knew it all. 

Anyway. Closing another chapter of my life. Cheers to that! I guess it’s so silly of me to be here pondering if I even am being the best side of me. True is. I can’t help it when I flip. Sometimes I don’t even know why I get so bothered about it.  Sometimes. I just have to show some dominance. Boyfriend is so funny when I get this way. He really knows how to get my giggling. And that’s always fun. 

I’ve been rather a bitch lately to boyfriend. In a fit of glory I showed him this little slice of me. Yes I use this as my outlet. I hoped to fill it with stories. Tad bits of my mind. If it seems like I’m always ranting and hello. I’m most creative when I am the most passionate. I can’t be blamed. I’m also sitting with Mary. My thoughts are scattered because I really really really just want to get to this part. Yeah. Great ok. So here I want to put 10 things about boyfriend that are the God honest truths. 

1. Watermelon. Noun. As in. Boyfriend loves watermelon. But oddly rarely eats it. That may be because I never buy it. But! He never requested it. 

2. Ps4. Noun. As in. Boyfriend loves his ps4. This is also the only thing that comes between us and brings us back together. Aka. Netflix and chill. 

3. Dying pig. Verb. As in. Boyfriends laught sounds like a dying pig. And mines sounds nothing like a dying pig. 

4.  Best friend. Noun. As in. Boyfriend is my best friend. We often get in wrestling matches. I lose most of the time on purpose. Of in a fit of giggles. Lately it’s both. And I love it. 

5. Sweet tea. Noun. As in. Sweet tea is the number one greatest gift of my man kind according to boyfriend. We average about two gallons a day. Usually between three or more people. Boyfriend claims one gallon soley for his use. 

6. Full. Verb. As in. Boyfriend is always hungry and always full. I keep a stocked kitchen. And it makes me happy. 

7.  Tender heart. Verb. As in. Boyfriend is such a tender heart. I admire this about him. He is the only man I’ve seen the true side of and all I want to do is love it. I got his back if only one needs to learn a lesson. 

8. Dedicated. Verb. As in. Once he is committed to something he never lets go till he has conquered it. We once went on a random late lunch date. It was to a place we always wanted to try but never really had the chance. One bite in to the crab Rangoon and bless his heart. I tried to stop him. I tried to refocus his attention to his freshly delivered meal. But no. He just could not stop himself from going up to the counter and telling the overly preppy server that it was just the best crab Rangoon he had ever had the pleasure of eating. That is boy friend in a nut shell. 

9. Big dick. Noun. As in. Boyfriend has/is a big dick. 

10. Grizzley bear. Noun. As in. Boyfriend sleeps like a grizzley bear. And I love it. 


About moderndaigoddess

out on my own, these are my words about how crazy life can get
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