Let me down gently

Oh the feels right now. God my temper is going unchecked right now. I don’t know what it is. I know I’m pms-ing but damn. I think I need to take some Advil maybe I’m not paying attention to my body. I know I’ve switched off my mind to it because I’m secretly hoping I’m pregnant. I’ve been so busy lately that i haven’t noticed how late I am. That could mean two things. I’m pregnant or this is about to be the worst period of the year. 

I’ve starting my new job, once again in retail. I have a lot of mixed emotions about it. On the scale of retail jobs I’ve landed a decent one. I can’t really complain about the pride I get when I tell people wear I work. It’s one of those where you have had to been a manger or have a great track record. I have both plus a bonus of having once done a paid project for a billion dollar industry with the papers to show for it. The work is not difficult but people expect you to know your product. And they will tell you when you disappoint them. I have even seen my store manager tell a guy to take his business elsewhere. This guy was trying to get a huge discount for spending over 2k on a tv. But we sell that size 4K tv on a regular basis and usually in multiples….

Th problems I having is a supervisor of mine. My first night closing with her she started to fluff up to me. Before I probably would’ve thought it was a way of her trying to be friendly to me, then proceed to try to win her approval. Because I thought I needed to be her friend. But I’m wiser now. I recognize for what it is. She’s trying to assert her dominance, or show me who is the big boss in the section. She’s jealous of me. For what I could only guess. However I am not going to allow her to bully me. For that I am proud of myself. I am going to continue to do me and get on with life. I have a wonder boyfriend and this job isn’t my life. I may spend most of my time there it’s what’s at home that I am thankful for. Her jealously doesn’t bother me. I can’t help if no one likes her. 

That’s another thing that I am liking about this job. I’m actually having fun. This is probably the first place over worked that I am accepted by everyone. I think I a lot has to do with I’m in a relationship with boyfriend. Being interracial couple is finally having its perks now. We still deal with some of the older community, the stares, the questions on the worse days but boyfriend and I just take it in leaps. 

I miss my mother so much right now. The holidays are the worst for me. But only because I miss sharing them with my mom. Madre. Mommy. Life giver. Life taker. Wisdom guru. The one that still heals my boo boos. I just miss her. Flat out. One day I am going to get my wish and madre will move with me and boyfriend. Life goals. 

Alright guys. I’m going to have to go back inside and talk to boyfriend. I’ve been rather nasty today. Hormones man. They really know how to take a good bitch down. Adios. 

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Yes. You can come in. 

He said he was tired of fighting with me. He was dead tired. 

I told him to then quit being tired of me. 

He said there has to be something wrong with me. Me alone. Because he was in such a good mood. He wouldn’t let me bring him down. 

He recently returned from a paradise business trip. I had to hold down the fort. That was crumbling. He told me to be strong. But he didn’t want to hold me up when he returned. What did he expect. I kept a calm straight face while our roommate threatened my being. I didn’t beg for them not to take our washer and dryer. I didn’t cry when our dirty clothes set next to the broken vacuum cleaner. I didn’t get frestrated when my very nice requests went unheard. 

You didn’t try to stop the tears when I releaized I still had to be strong. Even when my post came home. I just wanted your love. This makes me feel unworthy. I don’t doubt your love for me. But my heart is crying. This is not what I wanted. Is it what I asked for? Have all my actions led up to this point, has it been so awful that this is what I deserve? The answer is yes. 

I let my demons back in. The minute i said yes. I’ve unlocked my tower with no door. The red room welcomed me back with no fuss, it was glad to see me knocking. Please just take it all away. Whatever you ask of me is yours. Just kiss me one last time. I need to know. I need to know now. Because right now I’m trapped. Death is no longer an option. The living won’t let me leave and the dead won’t show me the way. 

He never knows why I won’t apologize for my actions, even in the heat of the moment. But my words and actions are true. I refuse to make anyone feel they have the right they have power to make me feel inferior. I take full responsibility for all my actions. However I will apologize if made anyone else feel inferior. That is never my will. I just want us to be equal. 

Love is patient. Love is kind. It’s a phrase I keep repeating. At first it was for me. Me reminding myself to be patient. To be kind. Then it starting to turn to him. How was he kind? How was he patient? He is actually both but I am in under his skin. I sit next to his heart, feeling it’s beats. Love is tough. Love is unsafe. Love will make you rich and broke. Love is unselfish. Love is unconditional. 

I don’t know where I am going. I know where I’ve been. Now look where I am. Standing infront of my mirror trapped. It sings for me. My eyes are heavy. If I close it for just a minute I will be alright. I will wake before she takes all of me. One by one I’m slowly undoing the buttons to my dress. The song is so sweet. I can even taste the words. My swaying to her music. The sleeve slip. Then the other. I’m almost to the bottom button. I must wake soon or its over. But why should I? Here I am welcomed. Here I will be safe. With my mirror trapped. 

Bottom button. I am let the rest puddle on the floor. Closer. I need to get closer. The heat from my mirror trapped will keep me warm. The air is so sweet. Licorice and roses. I hate roses. He never got me flowers. That would’ve been nice. Oh well. I just beggars can’t be choosey. The roll of the die, that’s how we handle life, right? 

One touch I was gone. 

Well, that’s not fair. 

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Blue hibiscus 

It was the bag that started it all. Truthfully I should’ve just walked away that summer. My freshmen year of college. And I just had to have this bag. It was perfect to hold everything of mine. That was the problem. It was too perfect. That summer I carried all my books in it. That fall I remember being able to stuff three adult hoodies in it and still be able to hold the rest. After that I switched to a back pack. So it laid dormant for years. I wasn’t thinking about any of that at the time. I didn’t realize the potential I had stored away. 

Then I met Co. I should’ve run a long time ago. But when fate brings two strong willed woman together it has a habit of a force that can not be stopped. This bag has been the symbol for our chapter in life. It has saved our lives. And it puts us in harms away. 

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Or no?

I recently asked boyfriend if he ever thought about his past relationships. He admitted that he catches him self thinking about random dates and moments with his exes. I don’t know for some reason I thought I was alone in this battle. I never stopped to wonder if my doubts matched his own. It never crossed my mind that while I’m doubting myself and wondering if I even can compete with his ex he is thinking if he is better then mine. 

I also recently found out that an ex of mine, the one I give due credit to the down fall of my hoe days, was really using me as a side dish. Yes. I was the side bitch. And really when I actually took a moment to truest reflect on it. It makes perfect sense. I was just fascinated with Batman. But damn. Just damn. I thought I knew it all. 

Anyway. Closing another chapter of my life. Cheers to that! I guess it’s so silly of me to be here pondering if I even am being the best side of me. True is. I can’t help it when I flip. Sometimes I don’t even know why I get so bothered about it.  Sometimes. I just have to show some dominance. Boyfriend is so funny when I get this way. He really knows how to get my giggling. And that’s always fun. 

I’ve been rather a bitch lately to boyfriend. In a fit of glory I showed him this little slice of me. Yes I use this as my outlet. I hoped to fill it with stories. Tad bits of my mind. If it seems like I’m always ranting and hello. I’m most creative when I am the most passionate. I can’t be blamed. I’m also sitting with Mary. My thoughts are scattered because I really really really just want to get to this part. Yeah. Great ok. So here I want to put 10 things about boyfriend that are the God honest truths. 

1. Watermelon. Noun. As in. Boyfriend loves watermelon. But oddly rarely eats it. That may be because I never buy it. But! He never requested it. 

2. Ps4. Noun. As in. Boyfriend loves his ps4. This is also the only thing that comes between us and brings us back together. Aka. Netflix and chill. 

3. Dying pig. Verb. As in. Boyfriends laught sounds like a dying pig. And mines sounds nothing like a dying pig. 

4.  Best friend. Noun. As in. Boyfriend is my best friend. We often get in wrestling matches. I lose most of the time on purpose. Of in a fit of giggles. Lately it’s both. And I love it. 

5. Sweet tea. Noun. As in. Sweet tea is the number one greatest gift of my man kind according to boyfriend. We average about two gallons a day. Usually between three or more people. Boyfriend claims one gallon soley for his use. 

6. Full. Verb. As in. Boyfriend is always hungry and always full. I keep a stocked kitchen. And it makes me happy. 

7.  Tender heart. Verb. As in. Boyfriend is such a tender heart. I admire this about him. He is the only man I’ve seen the true side of and all I want to do is love it. I got his back if only one needs to learn a lesson. 

8. Dedicated. Verb. As in. Once he is committed to something he never lets go till he has conquered it. We once went on a random late lunch date. It was to a place we always wanted to try but never really had the chance. One bite in to the crab Rangoon and bless his heart. I tried to stop him. I tried to refocus his attention to his freshly delivered meal. But no. He just could not stop himself from going up to the counter and telling the overly preppy server that it was just the best crab Rangoon he had ever had the pleasure of eating. That is boy friend in a nut shell. 

9. Big dick. Noun. As in. Boyfriend has/is a big dick. 

10. Grizzley bear. Noun. As in. Boyfriend sleeps like a grizzley bear. And I love it. 

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Pissing pot 

Boyfriend is completely useless. Spent the whole time on the phone while I cooked and even set the table. He wouldn’t move. He wouldn’t budge. What is the world is going on? He has never been like this. Before. We call our place back in North Carolina as before. Before he would do the dishes. He would help me clean up. Now it’s why is this there or where is this and that. He even plainly asked if I was down right stupid. That shit is not cool. Nothing I ever do deems he worthy of calling me stupid. 

I’m so frestrated. He won’t talk to me. Not like before. He just tells me to go away. To leave him alone. Granted I say those things as well from time to time. But now. Now I just don’t even want to be in the same roof as him. What am I to do? He is my closet and best friend. Why does he not clue me in on things then just waiting till right before it is to happen.  

How do I fix this? All I want to do is make him happy. To be proud. Now all I do is just set him off. Taking the hit after hit. All I do is for us. Us. That’s a rare word these days. It used to be speaking openly. Now it’s Latin. 

I honestly don’t know how to express my love anymore then I do. I try to keep a clean house. I try to keep the man full. I try to make sure is where it is suppose to be. But I am only Human. 

Human. That’s is my weakest quality. I have been so much more for so long that everyone forgets I am human. Just plain old human. Fuck even I forget. It’s my down fall. It’s the broken bridge between me and boyfriend. I guess I could call all of this broken. Needed to be repaired. It’s useless tho. I can place all the boards in place. Nail one set. Set to work on the other just to watch the end that was nailed down come right back up with each swing. It’s nearly impossible for one person to fix a broken bridge. 

I’m torn. Pulled. Ripping. At this point. I’m willing to go down the rabbit hole again. Just one more time. 

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The mirror on the wall

I’m writing to you right now to confess my sins. I have been ill at boyfriend all day. I found a loaded gun in his closet and I lost it. A chill went down my spine and that dreadful uneasy ‘this is not a good feeling’ came over me. I tossed my head around grasping for air.  But i fought down that panic attack. I dropped boyfriend off. But still I have been ill against him all day. Know mind you. I have no problems with gun and am quite an excellent shooter. Foreheads are my favorite. 

I know what I was going to do even before I really knew I was going to do it. I just want to get away from him. For just a night longer. I am being stretched in too many directions. Too many people are demanding my attention. So many I want to grant the desire to have me look into their souls and see them. 

So I took it. I took a higher sedative sleeping pill. I took one before and it sleeps me very well. But it’s only great if boyfriend would learn TO STOP FUCKING WAKING ME UP WHEN I AM FUCKING SLEEPING. DOES YOUR BITCH ASS UNDERSTAND HOW FUCKING DIFFICULT AND PAINFUL IT IS TO WAKE UP TO ANSWER YOUR BULLSHIT FUCKING QUESTIONS. JUST. FUCKING. STOP. FUCKING. WAKING. MY. FUCKING. ASS. UP. 

With that being said. I just don’t give a fuck anymore. I can feel the effects kicking in. Right on scheduled time. I love schedule times. I call them slots. Like I have you slotted from 1-2 tomorrow. Structure. That is key to me. Structure I hold dear the most. 

I understand why sister took too pills. They just don’t care what you are feeling. You are going to feel what they are feeling. It’s a releif to have someone or something take control. I understand sister. I can know label this feeling with pill control. Or tango.

Twist. Snap. Pop. Tonight she knew. She knew very much so where she was heading. Tonight no one is following her this is for her. Twist. Snap. Pop. She had to wait till night to leave. She wanted to make sure everyone was asleep before she turned the window open. Twist. Snap. Pop. For the most part the path is clear. Worn over the years of unsteady feet. It’s firm now. Just beware of the twigs and the occasional frog. Twist. Snap. Pop. Soon she will be there. She knows the way by heart now. There it is. She doesn’t even hasitate. Further and further she falls. Deeper and deeper still. It’s endless in the rabbits hole. The sick dark rabbit hole. Twist. Snap. Pop.Thud. She groans. This is the last place she wanted to be. This is not the escape she wished for. Please. God. The most merciful. Please take her elsewhere. Twist. Snap. Pop. She turned around. The red carpet is plush. No one will ever heard her coming around. It is heard before it is seen. The nasty faces give even the holiest the runs. Twist. Snap. Pop. The creatures locked for life times move slowly in its frame. It’s face is bleak at the deepest opal. Swirling in itself making the view trapped ever more within. Twist. Snap. Pop. This time she is not a weapon on her being. Nothing would hold her safely from its pleasing touches. Oh how dear and warm the mirror gives her. Kisses her sweetly over her faults. Always encouraging her to come close. Twist. Snap. Pop. But the last time she was here she cracked the surface of the fame. She knew the mirror had not forgotten. It just doesn’t matter. The mirror is calling her love. The mirror always forgives. Twist. Snap. Pop. Only for tonight she says. Just one night. It can’t be that stronger. She was stronger. She knew. Inside her though. There is an uneasy feeling. Twist. Snap. Pop. Just like that is a bleak of an eye she knew it didn’t matter anymore. She was going to her mirror and pay her dues. It’s just one more night, right? Twist. Snap. Pop. 

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freshly squeezed lemonade

i quite recently took a trip back home to my favorite state of north carolina. i was venturing home to switch out my cars and to see my mom. sadly boyfriend and i made the decision that oct should return back home. i told my mother that i was giving her my dog. meaning. i won’t take her away from you again. she’s already losing a few of the older members of our family. she once told me that oct was the only thing she has of me. so way not. i love my baby girl so much, and she will forever be my baby girl, but luckly for her her status as changed to ‘visiting grandma’.

my trip was a drag. usually  for the most part it is a very easy drive. difficulty level: 4. however it is quite a bit of a drive. my take off from my current listed address in georgia started off with no hitches. i didn’t have much gas but that was ok, boyfriend and i both got paid on friday, so i left towards the middle of the night. surely. oh surely. i would get to the gas station well after midnight, refill and continue on my way. so with oct in my passenger sit we hit the road. everything was going smoothly. around 1 am i pull off the highway near Atlanta. our first stop since leaving. check the bank. no money. ok. well maybe they run on central time. 2 am. nothing. 3 am. nothing. 4 am. wtf is going on. what did i do to deserve this??? 420 am. boom baby. on the road again. at least oct got to sleep.

i didn’t make it to my moms till close to noon. i don’t know why. but stopping for 5 to 10 minutes takes away so much of your travel time. like shit. a bitch just wants to stop and pee. why in the world does it put my 30 minutes behind every single time. like god bless!. before going to my moms i went to tacos. you know to clean out the clear and to wipe away any evidence.

my mind is gone. i want to tell you so bad of my story. you know make a great tale of it. but i have to work some shit out.

i brought my best friend back with me. she is currently at our local detox center. after of being sober for so long she relapsed. started using again. long before she started she had talked about coming here anyways to start new again. so i brought her back with me.

i am afraid. i don’t understand what is going on right now. i have never seen her like this. if she knows how ugly this is then why in the world would you take the fucking pills in the first place. cmon on now. you’re better then this.

she confessed that she’s afraid of what people think of her. i told her she was silly. aint no one puts food in your mouth. aint no one going to shit for you. aint no one def going to wipe your ass when they can barely wipe their own. cmon on now. be on that grown shit.

i hate how much i cuss. its not like i want to cuss. its more of my defense for me. i guess to scare people into noticing me. thats just not cute boo boo.

you know. i really don’t know what. i think this all boils down to is that i am trying to find something to do when there is nothing i can do at the moment. she put her self in this situation. all i can do is…what i usually do.

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4th pee in.

every have that feeling that god is stopping you from knowing something. like too many of the errors every possibly pregnant woman just hates to see. i have successfully taken 4 pregnancy test 3 different brands. all duds. unknowns. errors. i seriously feel that this is a sign from god that i am not suppose to know yet. do i feel pregnant? not really. but I’m going on two weeks late. i have crafted and devoured a peanut butter banana pepper granola jelly sandwich and it was amazing. my mouth was just watering as i was putting it together. the smell alone from the peppers is enough to fill the nile. I’ve given up smoking. pretty much just like that. when no signs from my period i just. stopped. not desires or craving for them cancer sticks. oh well. I’ve been waiting to quit for a minute. but i knew i wasn’t ready till now.

boyfriend is obsessed that i am pregnant. all he wants to do is have sex. and anyone knowing boyfriend. would know that is the wildest thing he ever wanted. not that we don’t have a normal sex life. he is just not the every day every night type of guy. something i valued in him when we were in our early stages of our relationship. i can honestly say i don’t want anyone else but him. sure he’s a pain in my back somedays but i can’t even picture anyone else but him. when he is not here i am usually in his closet. finding articles i can wear. we are about the same size. i just have more ass. then i spend the rest of the time watching girly movies on netflix. something i normally couldn’t do if he was home. i really just don’t do much when he’s not here. its quiet. a bliss i love the most. i just wish he was here to share it with me. but then it wouldn’t be quiet.

truthfully. i feel complete. i have my family that i built. me. myself. and him. we have our little dog. a crazy kitten. and each other. what more could i ask for?

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a large coke, please.

follow it. feel the weight of your existents. feel the weight of your being. then yourself. feel your breathe. follow it. feel it fill your lungs. the rise of your belly. your chest. its soft. feel your breathe. follow it. the very spot between your shoulders. the very center. the core of your belly. feel your breathe. follow it. you have to trust me. i know you’ve been through more then most of us. your wonder. feel your breathe. follow it. note your self worth. its all you have. let not those effect your self worth. no one is worth that much. feel your breathe. follow it. but you can take your time. just let it flow. its a river. its waters cool and crisp. there it is. that feeling. the beats are here. hark. feel your breathe. follow it. boy i am gone. I’m free. the bounds that held me down. snapped. the bruises are almost. faded. feel your breath follow it. don’t look now. I’m gone. feel the pull of the earth. its hardness. if you’re still you can feel the pull of gravity. its a sensation that you can never quite get into words. I’m tired of making you happy. i know you want to get at me. feel your breathe. follow it. its expands your lungs. like a water balloon filling once more with life. its soft pink. with nice sized pearls. oh this corset. its makes me a sexy momma. i told you. i am great at what i do. i used to treat it like business. a duty i had to do for myself. oh yes. there was nothing better in this world then paying tribute to me. myself. this modern day goddess. oh yes. it was a game to me. once i picked a man it was it. i was literally do anything to make him lose. yes sir i told you once but once again let me grace your presence. my name is madame. mam’. your grace. yes before me you will bow to my honor. feel your breathe. follow it. there were times when i was told. it never ended pretty. i knew what kind of men i had in my cards. there was Kratos. i was too blinded to the fact that he was such a punk. always fronting. i knew the real him. or so i thought. but it just disgust me know how it facts in front of our ‘friends’.  there was the seeker. he was impressive. but i knew the real him. there just wasn’t a whole lot there. he supplied the drugs. i provided the entertainment. he had a little too aggressive fixation on this very large porn star. he would try to recreate the screens of her movies. it was fun. till it happened all the time. then there was this one hoe. anyway. he was the seeker. Kratos hated the seeker. the seeker was jealous of Kratos. it was funny. for a while. then there was batman. i remember him sometimes because he was the one that made me realize that was a being a hoe. thus he was the down fall of my hoe days. but i liked him. i could’ve had a chance. and it might’ve worked out. but i was being a hoe. we both were. feel your breathe. follow it. follow it path from your nose to the rise and fall of your belly. your back. its strong and straight. sometimes you just have to slow down the drama and just take in the presence. sense the weight of your existents. this is how you know you are here. and alive. this is only a dream if you let it. feel your breathe. follow it. I’m am not telling you this just to tell you. I am telling me. i only feel what i let myself feel. yes i am playing with magic. this stuff. its deadly. it will take over everything you know. will come to forget. mark my words. knowing your existents. it leaves nothing unturned. you can get lost. but you can also find yourself. feel your breath. follow it. this magic. only you can touch. are you ready for it. theres no going back. i promise. you will never regret it. feel your breath. follow it. we call that bitch Bojangles.

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zig zag grumble

sniff sniff puff pass. its a zig zag a ziggy zap. i spilt and gut. oh yeah oh man. sniff sniff puff pass. a couple quick turns, thats all it takes! shift shift it needs to pass the test. my fingers itch to its touch. sniff sniff puff pass. I’m like a kid twisting open my metal friend. oh boy this is going to be great. lick lick lick. sniff sniff puff pass. in the zag the ziggy zag zap i trail down and smooth out the layer of mary. tuck tip roll. its going to be a blast. sniff sniff puff pass. turn off the fan! quick be quick! its almost time to light her up. sniff sniff puff pass. fuck. the lighter is out. its empty. oh lord hurry. its screaming my name. this zag. ziggy zap. sniff sniff pout pass. the stumble. the fumble. here. the lighter you call for. mary can’t wait. put down your controller and join the circle. here. sniff sniff puff pass. someone turn on pandora. dim the lights. its lit. inhale deeper. there you go son! welcome to the glory zone. sniff sniff puff pass. someone praises god. others whisper silently to prayer. sweet dreams are made these. who am i to disagree? sniff sniff puff pass. some of them what to use you sniff sniff pass puff deeper and deeper she falls. its dark and theres no end. but she doesn’t care. sniff sniff puff pass she knew what she was getting into. following that sneaky white rabbit down its tricky little rabbit hole. sniff sniff puff pass. everybody is looking for something. some of them what to get used by you. sniff sniff puff pass. she lost. twisting. looking for anything to hold on to. but theres nothing. she understands. sniff sniff puff pass. she wishes it would end. all of it. she’s falling. its wonderful. this feeling. it will take you anywhere. sniff sniff puff pass. deeper and deeper she falls. she knew. she knew. she knew. deeper she falls. sniff sniff puff pass. so far gone she no longer knows if she is the drug or the abuser. sniff sniff puff out.

my freshman year of college i arrived at a youthful age of 17. the week before my mother took me to get my first tattoo. our artist was a family friend. she had her own shop and agreed to tattoo me. she knew it was illegal. i knew it was illegal. i was delighted with the moment. i eagerly picked a tribal sun off the wall and arranged to have my lego symbol in the center. i was will never forget that sensation. getting your first tattoo. my leg kept twitching. its never goes away. hence why i stopped getting leg tattoos. anyway. i remembered walking up the mountain. yes mountain. i was just swelling with pride. fuck yes i have a leg tattoo. fuck yes I’m taller then you. fuck. I’m one big ball of sexiness in your presence. yeah check out that tattoo. its sick. tribal shit. I’m bad ass. god i was so full of myself. but it didn’t matter. i was bad ass and i knew it. back then i was still into latin. like i used to study latin and I’m bad ass like that. pleeeeeeaaaasssseee. i took high school latin. yes i understand that many high schools in north carolina didn’t ever offer latin. i went and graduated from a precollege classical high school. home of five football and baseball fields. the largest track in the city. and had a bigger damn good outdoor stadium. the kicker is. we didn’t support sports. all freshman were required to take gym but never after that and only one semester. our band was shitty but your strings were magical. we always got invited to play for their christmas ball at the governors house. yea. i was bad ass like that. i studied latin. and spent my last two years doing doing but art classes and theater. i was ok in both but not anything special.

but to my story. i was walking up the mountain to one of my first classes. my physical being before this college was extremely lazy. i always found a way to ride the elevator at school. fuck those stairs. but here i had to walk. i had to hike from my bed to get food. then to class. and hopefully i can swing by the store to get more food then go back to my dorm. i was always out of breathe. and sweating. this is just not cute. soon i got used to it and started to make myself take the stairs. oh boy i was getting sexy. then i started doing stuff. going hiking. so tubing down the river. went swimming in wolf lake at night. being on top of the mountains. it made the view so glorious. nothing but stars. shooting. stars.

cough. any who. i was walking up the mountain and it hit me. i was a bad ass. with my fucking single tattoo. i made my mind up then. i went home for the weekend. went and saw micky. hey mick. hook my up. i palmed in front of her. Asina Mala. thats right. Bad fuck Ass. in latin. to this day i am still not sure if my high school translation is accurate. but i don’t give a care. this tattoo will always remind me of the time i felt bad ass. and getting sexy. working my fat ass. on. those. stairs. yes. sexy. and bad ass. never forget the bad ass.

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