I can’t even 

I can’t even begin to start. I come here to escape. The boy is in one of his moods. And I am in one of mine. It’s the pause in the relationship. It’s the skip in the heart beat. One second we are fine. Talking normally. I’m not looking to start a fight. Then he starts in. Why this. Always that. I do my best to blank it out. I’m trying not to react. He doesn’t see it. How’s he is being so mean. Oh boy here we go again. Sometimes it gets too much. I try to leave gracefully but he knows I’m not happy. For fucks sake. I have a headache too now. Be gentle. I’m not sure where this is all coming from. I know this doesn’t feel like a home. I know the cats where being loud this morning. We haven’t shunu-shunu is a while. But come back to me babes. 

Maybe I won’t entertain the thoughts of leaving you. It’s jealous of me. To want to make you suffer. But what’s the point. I know I can make your life so much happier. If I wanted to. But truth be told I’m bored. Being cooped up home day and night. I’ve been trying to wake up and stay up earlier in the morning. Maybe tomorrow I’ll do it. Like the day before. The cats let you sleep in then. I apologize for even thinking the thoughts. I am not the enemy. But your partner. Together we can achieve more. 

This is the point in why I want to marry you. Because it’s the trust we have together. It’s the way we move when we are sleeping. It’s an ever changing puzzle piece. It’s knowing that no matter which way I turn it’s always going to be a perfect fit. It’s knowing that even tho I am mad I can always tell you. Anything. It’s knowing that you are always right there in my mind. Reading me like a fitted glove. You’re my code one. I’m your biggest fan. 

These words are hard for me to say. I write them out because I hate the way I talk. My tongue stumbles over the sounds. It’s not as graceful as it is in my head. I write them out so you know it’s true. I can’t express how grateful I am for you, even when you are being an untouchable grumpy bear. I am who I am. But together I am more. 


About moderndaigoddess

out on my own, these are my words about how crazy life can get
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